I'm still alive. Really. I just have no idea when to post anymore.
I have thought vaguely that I should write a graceful end-it post and shut down this blog, because realistically, I don't have time to keep it up. I haven't even had time to investigate the privacy options on Blogger. But the thought of closing up shop makes me so sad, so I do nothing, and this blog just languishes. I miss it.
I love graduate school. It's incredibly consuming, as I knew it would be, but somehow that still managed to take me by surprise, a little bit. Still, there are definitely things I miss about the old life, like having time to read (I read constantly, but now it's all feminist and critical theory; no fiction for me for a while), having time to blog, and most of all, having unlimited friend time. I really miss that. And being able to e-mail Suze about five times a day. And being able to form a sentence that doesn't contain words like "agency" and "normative."
But honestly? There's a lot more that I don't miss. Like being home all day, every day, having to create the entire structure for my day by myself, the constant career insecurity (not that this doesn't flourish in grad school, but I'm too busy right now to entertain it much), the lack of explicit purpose, never having anywhere to go that requires a decent outfit. And I love what I'm studying. I just do.
There are some areas in which I am immovable, though. We still cook good dinners. I still veg in front of Netflix with knitting, though for less time. I still run. I figure if the schedule gets really tight, I'll just run faster.
I don't know. I can't close down the blog, at least not right now. I know only about five of you are reading at this point, but that's okay. I am, by the way, mostly keeping up with your blogs, generally in post-teaching Friday-afternoon binges, which make me happy. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
By the skin of my teeth
2 days ago